Victor "The Barbarous" Gardeña

What sucks is that I've been awake since 7:30am...on a Saturday...when I didn't have to work. I had rehearsal for the aforementioned n.u.f.a.n. ensemble project at 10, went 'til 12:30, and sat on the phone for an hour hitting redial to make an appointment for a general.

I'll take a moment here for some deserved griping. For those of you unaware, major Chicago theatres ("r" before "e" for pretense, you see) are glorious sadists. They take pleasure in torturing the already tortured and destitute Chicago actor by making him/her call in at specific times on specific dates to make general audition appointments. Our poor actor is forced to dial the same number (frequently specified as "never call this number at any other time for any other reason") incessantly as he receives busy signal after busy signal. Meanwhile all of the other poor actors in Chicago are dialing at the same time, receiving the same busy signals. Not only does this colossal waste of energy, phone minutes and neurons take usually at least an hour before one can get through to a human voice, but it breeds such contempt and frustration at the entire scenario that it usually takes another hour to calm down.

...it does for me, at least. Now, I cannot be the only one who has had it with this technique. "Well, you better have your date-book cleared between 12 and 3 on July 23rd. You're gonna be on the phone a while!" Please, who do you think you are? Have we learned nothing from the cable repair/installation industry? And as if I wouldn't be the lap-dog that I am, do you think that not being able to make an appointment is going to stop me from "crashing" your non-equity general? Call me crazy, but I'm pretty sure I've made appointments via e-mail before. I've also made appointments by postal mail. Or by phone, at (gasp) any given time during business hours! No fuss. Casting directors are respondent and courteous in these practices as well...why can't the number-three theatre company in Chicago take my e-mail/letter/phone call? We know it's already on your terms; you're the hiring company and a great company to work for. Must we be demoralized semi-annually by fighting not only your phone lines but essentially each other even before we audition? Be a sport, will ya? Just once, tell me a date when I can contact you, and in my best chronological abilities I will do so. Not really that hard. Just let me know when I can drop you a line and when I don't have to win the game of "Best Auto-dialer." This ain't just for these generals either...you're all on notice.

Well, that was more than a moment of griping I suppose. I just can't believe nobody else gets pissed off about this waste-of-day exercise that happens for every big company every summer. That being said, I did indeed get through eventually. Now for the whole other hill of beans in getting ready for the actual audition. I should be calmed down by then. Should.

And now, for birthday food of my heritage: Schnitzels and Sauerbräten.